~One Life, One Story~

Formula One™

2008-09-30T01:42:00.004+08:00

Amazing, i went tru 3 days of non-stop actions working for ritz carlton @ Paddock Club (Claymore 1). Shortage of sleep over these 3 days leads to hot temper and easy irritation over small things. But i managed to keep it under control.

I shall use Q&A to summarize everything.

What i like most out of the F1 race?
MONEY! Also making friends that worked with me for the past 3 days. Yes, i do miss them all. Cuz we are all such a great team tgt! NO spillage and sneaking to eat the buffet food together. Most imptly, working tgt as a team! (Oh ya, did i mention the MONEY?)

What i hate most out of F1 race?
The working hour, staff's food (is it even food?), slow transport and digusting guests that tried to be funny with the gals!

What i learn most out of F1 race?
Don't pay to watch F1 race when u can get paid to watch it. (Buffet included, while stock last!)

What is the most deepest impression that is left with you?
The Ferrari car with the oil pump! DAMN FUNNY LA! And of course, all the sweet gals and gentlemen that work tgt with me!

Any pics?
OF COURSE!

That's all for now! Visit my friendster for more pics!

~Juggling 3 part time jobs~

2008-09-03T17:55:00.003+08:00

Wow.. it must be the first time i really work this hard. Hasn't been actively playing World Of Warcraft and Playstation 3. Everyday i would get back home at 11pm+ (And i hasn't been blogging for 4mths+)

Finally, I've set my vision high and found a company that really works for me.
The company is Melaleuca.
Been studying about the compansation plan for that company and found that this company is the most legit. Compared to other MLM companies, which u have to stock up on the products that ur going to sell, this company offers no such thing at all.
Rather, the products are green and safe to use. This company has been in Singapore for almost 3 years now. Right now, its the best time for me to join them as a marketing executive.
Maybe, i shouldn't compare this with MLM companies at all, cause it isn't MLM.

1stly, I dont have to sell the products.
2ndly, All the products are verified to be safe for consuming purposes unlike MLM companies that sell their products w/o a care for the safety concerns that it can bring about. (e.g. Flower pollen in the Money Not Enough 2 by Jack Neo)
3rd, This company has existed in the USA for 23 years and is still growing. Most MLM companies only managed to stay for a few years before their distributers start making a loss by stocking up and not being able to sell it.

So now, i'm working as a part time Executive Technician in TUV SUD PSB, part time waiter in Ritz Carlton and a part time Marketing Executive in Melaleuca.

I wanna make a difference in my life, to prove myself that i'm able to do it.

That all for now, need to make my way down to Shaw Centre for a Melaleuca Meeting.

A series of unforturnate events?

2008-06-19T21:14:00.002+08:00

I'm back~ *Big Smile* =D
Touched down in singapore yesterday @ around 11pm+

Amazingly.. my laptop crash during the last few days of my stay in thailand. Hard disk Failure. And to make it worst, below my laptop, it reads :

Serial Number: U557381 (<-- BARCODE!)

Onsite expiry: 6/18/08

Parts & labour expiry: 6/18/08

Response time: Next Business Day

CRAP!! IT EXPIRED ON THE DAY I REACHED SINGAPORE!

Send it to acer today, no choice. Saw that servicing cost $80. Ouch!
The guy laugh and said my warrently expired yesterday.
*OH CRAP I KNOW IT!! STOP RUBBING SALT ON MY WOUND!*

Start up the com, strange sound coming from hard disk.
Later, it shows:

Press any key to restart.
Hard Disk Error

So that guy replaced a new HDD for me. My old one is 60GB, he gave me a 80GB HDD.
Here what the paper read:

Repair Actions:
Replaced HDD.
Loaded default O/S
Tested boot-up

Will covered under warrently on goodwill.
Had advised user no warrently on the replacement of HDD.

Returned on the spot.

______Qty______Amount
____Sub total_____$0.00

Total w/o GST ____$0.00
_____7% GST____$0.00
___Total (GST)___$0.00

The very reason i love acer so much. <3

My laptop is almost like a new one. Haha.
Been to acer for 4 times.
1) Change my power adapter.
2) Change my motherboard.
3) Change my CD drive.
4) Change my HDD.

Total cost: $0.00

I replaced my RAM myself. So yeah, almost a new laptop haha!

But too bad, all my data will be gone. =( My pics & songs :'(

Checked with him and he told me that the cost of recovering the data would cost around $800+ for me. So yea... half of my month pay! No way i'm gonna do that.

So now busy reinstalling all the programs. (Including World of Warcraft =D)

2nd post in Thailand

2008-06-13T20:28:00.002+08:00

Noticed something different in the lifestyle here and singapore. Life here are at a much slower pace than in singapore. Schools here are 4 days, 10hrs each day compared to singapore of 5days of 8hrs. Lesser days spend in school means more time with the family. Thais have closer bonds with their family than in singapore. Being a few days here make me feel closer with them compared to my singapore family.

Thailand is more towards family and singapore is more toward a career based life.

Days in thailand

2008-06-07T20:06:00.002+08:00

Finally, its the 4th day in Thailand. (Insert playing PSP into all the days)

4th june
Reached Thailand. Finally saw my nephew haha! he is 8mths old already, still haven learn to talk or walk yet, only know how to crawl and blah blah blah. Teeth growing out soon also. Nth much, just BORED~~~~

5th june
Went to the fields today. Heavy rain, whole area is flooded, will post the pics when i get back. Beside rain, there is rain and rain and rain. Oh ya! 1 more interesting thing, we caught a fish ON THE ROAD! Amazing right? haha must be the heavy rain that cause the river bank to overflow and thus lead to the fish swimming out of their home. Somemore, its not 1 but 2!! Hardcore couple sia, die must die tgt. (They ended up on our dinner)

6th june
As usual, BORED~~ Nothing to do, so i started on my drawings, not nice at all, the face a bit too fat. (will post when i got back) Play with the baby and pick up my cousin from her polytechnic. And the day just past lidat..

7th June
Traveled all the way to another town just to buy prawns. 4kg of prawns for dinner! OMG! Den travel specially to the lan shop to make this post. 5km LOR! (no la actually is 5 mins walk away.)

That all for now, will do more updates when i get to this lan shop again.

Leaving for thailand

2008-06-04T04:11:00.003+08:00

Wake up super early today, will be flying off to my hometown soon.

Will be trying to update my blog when i'm in Thailand.

Anyway, here are some pics for my drawing equipment.

Busy week

2008-06-02T23:39:00.010+08:00

Phew... It been a busy week for me. Busy packing my stuffs for Thailand and doing some manga drawings. (Also play my favorite RPG of all time- FF7: Crisis Core)

As for the drawings, just visit my friendster, i decided to upload all my drawings there.

As for today, nothing much special except for PAY DAY!!! And also i met Kylie on my way to work. Wanted to say hi actually, but just feel its better if i pretend not to see her.

That all for today, tired sia..

微笑Pasta

2008-05-26T00:43:00.002+08:00

Amazingly.. I watch 3 DVDs of 微笑Pasta at a go. From sat 8pm till following day 1pm. (17hrs!!) Damn shack... haha.

Found it interesting and bring back memories, both good and bad.

Currently been into manga drawings the past few days. Will upload some drawings I've done some other days.

Scratch & Win!

2008-05-20T21:04:00.002+08:00

My co-worders have got addicted to a card game where u can purchase at the Singapore Pool! They come out with a new $2 card and they were like, y not buy 1 and try. I being the type who dont gamble, was like.. ehh.. no thanks.

But they were like, lets buy the cards tgt la, 4 x 50cents each only. So i finally give in. Each of us take out 50cents and they hurried off to buy haha.

1st card was lucky, we got $5 on our 1st try!!
Divided by 4, each of us earn like $0.75 each!
WOOT!! 250% return!

So i go back and buy another $2 card, since we still win $0.25 cents after buying the card.
*Scratch scratch scratch*
Awww... we didnt get to win anything this time round.

Left with $3, but they, being GOD OF GAMBLERS, wanna use the leftover ($3) and buy.
*Note: got 2 kinds, 1 is $1 with 1 chance of winning, the other is $2 with 2 chance of winning*
I was like =.="

No choice, they hurried off to buy another $2 card and a $1 card.
*Scratch scratch scratch*
Aww... we didnt managed to win anything for the $1 card.

But no worry, still got our last chance.
*Scratch scratch scratch*
This time, we slowly scratch it. We revealed x4, was like aiyo.. only 1 number below match it. We all tot it wont hit but TATA! It shows 24 after we opened it! matching the only number below that end with a 4.

And to our shock, it was a $50 prize!!
2500% returns!!!!

We were like OMG!!!!!
HAHAHaha!!11

Virgin Snow

2008-05-19T17:58:00.000+08:00

Part 1
Part 2

Touching movie..

Hatching a business plan..

2008-05-15T20:52:00.008+08:00

Learn something interesting yesterday. There are 4 main ways of earning money.
They are:
1. Employee (Where u work ur ass off for the boss. Example: the current me)
2. Self-Employed (They open their own shop and sell the things themselves example: Doctors that open their own clinic)
3. Businessmen (They make people work for them and the money come in without them doing much. 1 good example: Bill Gates)
4. Investors (They invest their money and wait for the money to grow without doing anything, i.e. They let other ppl handle their money and gain from it)

Now i shall go into the good and bad of each:
1. Good - U know how much ur getting per month. Stable income.
Bad - The amount of $ is not a lot and yes, u work ur ass off.
2. Good - U earn from both side, cuz ur the boss and the employee.
Bad - U work even more harder, and ur income dont come in when ur sick or on holiday.
3. Good - U earn a lot while doing the most minimum of job.
Bad - Its isnt easy to get to here, while doing business, its a world of the
bigger fish eat the smaller fish. Capital is needed too.
4. Good - GREAT! Money in without doing anything.
Bad - Suffer losses when economy is not doing so great and lots of funding are
needed to start.

Seems like i still have a long way to go. Now my choice is narrowed down for my degree.
If i were to cont my Chemical Engineering, i would have a more stable income but a tiring life.
If i were to choose Business, i would be gambling.

Worst, i read an article that now bosses doesnt recognize high end degree. They judge to promote u or not base on ur work experience or ur ability. Thinking of going business so that i can know more business contacts that would greatly helped me in future. I also need to greatly increase my social circle to know more people and friends.

Iron Man

2008-05-14T23:23:00.005+08:00

Went to watch Iron Man today, not bad actually. Most imptly, is to see who ur going out with xD
Its the company that makes it fun!

Been working at Turf Club for the past 3 days. Here are some pics of the horse and the racing track.

Thailand trip~

2008-05-12T21:31:00.005+08:00

Just cfm my Thailand trip, will be away from singapore for 2weeks from 4th june to 18th june. Time to take a break from work! WOOoo..

Only me and my mother will be going. So sian.. wont be going city area (Bangkok) but town area. (Phaya Mengrai - My hometown, read as Pha-Ya-Meng-Rai)

I hope to ask my cousin to bring me to Bangkok to tour. Hehe... Think she is 17 or 18 this year. And her brother, which is like 8mths older than me, already have a BABY which is already 3mths old. ARGH~~~!! But he already enlisted in army. Too bad, wont be able to ask him to bring me around instead.

Things to do:
Visit my family there!
Buy gifts back for all my friends! (See, so nice!)
To buy some fireworks and play. (It been a long time since i light them!)
Shoot lots of photos back! (Fireworks too ^^)
Ride motorcycle w/o license!(I know its dangerous, but that the thrill of it, isnt it?)
RELAX AND ENJOY MYSELF!

Happy Mother Day~

2008-05-11T17:31:00.002+08:00

Happy mother day to all mothers~
A big thanks for everything!

Haha, have u gave anything to your mother?
The gift price doesnt matters as it the heart that counts.
Run out of idea of what is good to give my mother, so i just give her money haha!

Dont take ur family for granted, they are the ones who stayed by ur side no matters what happened to u.

Haiz... haven talked to my father for 3 weeks already..

Importance of friends

2008-05-10T23:32:00.004+08:00

Just realise the importance of friends during this period of time. I don't really have much friends. Below are the honorable mentions of friends that i have.

Primary School
- Vincent Goh (My fellow Wushu buddy)

Secondary School
- Shawn Yep Wen Bin (The other clown in class beside me)

Polytechnic
- Gavin Ang Wee Kian (What can i say, YOUR THE MAN!)
- Khor Hong Sheng (aka John Doe aka Boss)
- Too Kai Chuan (Playstation 3 playmate)

Online friend
- MAC~! (aka Pei Juan aka Angeline) <3 <3 haha!
- Roy (aka iloveroy aka Scarlett)
- Toy (aka Toystabber aka ah Long)

<3 to all~ Haha!
Hope we stay in contact as long as possible =)

Last day

2008-05-09T23:01:00.006+08:00

Awww.. it was her last day of work today. The NEA 91 days coastal water project is coming to an end in 2 days time.
*No motivation to work liao* xD

Jian ming will also stop working too. Miss the times when me, JianMing, ZouYang and YewTai went Kboxing haha!

Dunno y, but today i suddenly have the urge to have a pet. Maybe because of the video.

Ain't it CUTE? Haha!

S小姐

2008-05-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

Hehe.. Those who been reading should know who is S小姐.

AHHHHHHH~~~~ How..!? Time is running out!

Went to the lab, press the bell and hope the senior lab technicians would prepare the inland water bottles for me. End up, she was in the lab. She turned around and saw me! So she walk towards me and chat with me! Arghhh...

She told me not to use stickers to stick on the seawater bottles as it is very hard to peel off. I was like =.= "ok.." I was wondering, since she leaving soon, y would she worry about cleaning the bottles anymore? *or she be staying? =D Hope so... lol*

After collecting the inland water today, chin hua and me submit the samples. She wasn't around in the lab. *disappointed =(* But while pushing back the trolley back, she was at the door pushing a trolley. So i offered my help immediately to help her hold the door while she push in. She saw me and asked: "Oh! Your back from sampling?"

YES SHE ASKED ME THAT! I always wondered y she always choose to speak to me than other people. Maybe i was friendlier? Haha.. *Or something else?* Well better not to think so much.. Maybe just friend friend only for now.

我真的好累啊！(Part 2)

2008-05-07T21:53:00.003+08:00

Wah... I missed my dinner AGAIN last night! Went out to sea to collect seawater sample AGAIN TODAY! Went to collect my GTA4 after work with KC. Cross my fingers and hope i WONT doze off again! >.<

Must be super tired these days. Doze off without knowing. Special treat today, i'll post a pic of me on the boat =)

我真的好累啊！

2008-05-06T19:10:00.002+08:00

Wah... I missed my dinner again last night. Went out to sea to collect seawater sample yesterday. Got home and was too tired and sleep. Wake up only at 5am! So i just on my PS3 and play till its time to go work.

Do nth much today, just counting each day as it pass by.

Winter collection

2008-05-04T21:13:00.005+08:00

My review for PS3 is... GET ONE IF U CAN AFFORD IT! Haha, KC have joined my rank today. He bought the set today as he cant wait to get his hands on it too.

Well compare to Wii, PS3 games are more suited for me. Wii is just an innovative way of playing games, but the games are limited. My Wii is just collecting dust now.

S>>> 2nd hand Wii with 7 games(include Wii sport), 2nd wireless controller and 2 recharger battery sets with remote controller stand~

Playstation 3!

2008-05-03T02:09:00.004+08:00

Date: 2/5/08
WOOT! Finally gotten my PS3 after 1 day of waiting =P

I ordered it from http://www.qisahn.com/ last night around 11pm+
Did the bank transfer for the payment today at ard 7:30am.
Now, i'm got my PS3 at 11:30pm.
Talk about fast service haha!

Well, suppose to receive it @ Bukit Batok MRT from Yi Qing. But she delivered it to my house instead. Poor gal... have to carry it. I tried holding it, 5Kg, heavy sia! And she was sick too(flu). Somemore, a gal have to send the items to me in the middle in the night. Singapore may be safe.. but still... >.<

Gotten her number by chance, but don't know what I'm gonna do with it also. Lol..
Well anyway... YOU STILL OWE ME ONE GTA4 R3! =P

Date: 3/5/08
Invited Kai Chuan to my house to test out the PS3, along with his friend. He was impressed with the graphic, so much that he decided to get it on monday! So, I'll be making a trip down with him to IOI plaza on monday to collect my GTA4 and his PS3.

Rest of the day.. no need say much, sure can guess what kept me busy. xD!

Current game list:

Grand Theft Auto 4 =D! (on monday)
Dynasty Warrior 6!!
Devil May Cry 4!
Ninja Gaiden Sigma
Eye of Judgement

Chai <<< RPG freak!

Labour day

2008-05-01T22:27:00.002+08:00

Sian.. just cant seem to get my lazy butt out of the bed today. Today is a public holiday to reward the workers for the effort they put in for working! WOOT! BUT I STILL HAVE TO WORK! DAMMIT! >.<

My duty for today is Sentosa. Lots of people there today.. Enjoying while i'm working. *Sobs* So when the water sampling is done, i went back PSB to submit the samples.

As expected, Sentosa team is the 1st to come back. Saw a lab tech at her desk working and Eng pressed the bell. Den suddenly out of nowhere, Shirley walk out from 1 of the door in the micro lab and attend to us.(OMG) I kept my cool and submit the samples as usual. Den i start asking her when she be working till, cuz the project is ending in 1 week+ time. Dont really remember what she replied but something that after the project end, she will go on holiday and enjoy herself with those pay. Not really sure if she be continuing to work or not.

Went back to lab to prepare tml bottles, soon, tze wei come back too. Asked me if shirley is there, i say ya. He was like jidan, y he only saw the auntie lab tech and nv saw her. I just laugh at him and say, haha its fate ma! =P

So after work, went sim lim with tzewei to look at PS3 and external DVD burner. Looking at the price of external DVD burner, i decided to 4get abt it.($100+) OH YA! While walking, i saw a familiar face but i just cant think of who is it. She also stared at me while i walk, giving me the look as if she know me too. Think for a while and i suddenly remembered that she is the Tian lin that used to work in the micro lab. Very chio also, even johnathan also interested in her. Haha! Actually i not very sure if its her or not. If not i surely approach her. Can say 90% alike ba. So long nv see le(2mths)

Think i'm having a 桃花运 w micro lab lately haha! Keep it coming~

Ordered my PS3 today. Might be getting it tml after work =D (almost $800)
Cfm my trip to Thailand also. Will be away from SG for 2 wks during June.
Going to army with KC on the same day same school(Oct 24th School 2)
Gavin going during sept. (after his gf bday)

Shirley

2008-04-30T23:27:00.001+08:00

Haha.. everyone at work are getting hyped up over her.
Let me say everything right from the start..
Ok, she is a temp staff that is currently working at our company.
Quite chio actually, so we were saying who will get her number 1st haha..

It begin yesterday, i tot there was a new gal working in microbio lab. When summiting my water sample at the end of the day, i discovered that she is the shirley. She asked me if i have gotten my pay. So i replied yes and say she can get it from the HR.However, she tot the HR already closed. But i told her they only leave at 6pm which is still 30mins away. So i bring her to the HR together with tze wei.

Before she left, i asked her that how come she look different and make me mistaken her for a new staff.(Cant believe i really asked her that too) She just laugh and said maybe it was her new haircut.

Today..
Was going to DSO for lunch tgt with Tze Wei, Chin Hua and kelvin. Met her on the way to lunch. She asked me when the sampling starts, i told her that we still haven go out yet.(wonder y she asked me instead of the 3 others) Cuz the high tide is 3pm for that day, so she requested me to come back early to hand in the sample so she can go back early. I replied, ok, i'll try..

End up, I rush with the water sampling and managed to come back super early. I even beat Sentosa team in coming back early. Saw her again in the lab when submitting the water samples and told her that "See! I rush so fast that i even beat the Sentosa team." haha.. normally for me, i would be the last team to reach the company cuz my part is the most time consuming.

So i went to prepare the bottles for tml. Soon, both tze wei and chin hua were back at the lab, and we begin to chat.. Then we begin to say what we planning to do on labour day. Den a suggestion come out, ask Shirley out for movie or something. haha!
So i was just trying to make fun of them, so i say ok, see who go ask 1st. Den while going back home, we purposely walk pass the Mico lab. I slowly press the door handle, slowly pushing the door to open a small gap just enough to peek inside. Suddenly at this moment, i feel a force pushing down the handle and the door swing wide open.

OMG! It was shirley that open the door. All 3 of us was like shocked to see her coming out LOL! Heart beat super fast sia!! She asked what we were doing there and stupid chin hua have to burp out that we are looking for someone. SO paisay la! Totally nv expected that she open the door SAME TIME as me!

WHile walking down the stairs behind, Chin hua is like.. Wah u 2 got fate sia... i support u. I give him that "haha.." face and feel damn PS. Heart still beating sia.. LOL! At least know that she live near clementi and dover. =)

Pay day!

2008-04-29T22:46:00.002+08:00

Wooo~! The most anticipated moment of the month is here! PAY DAY!

Working at this company was fun, but very tiring. I can't believe how fast I'm spending my money. Apparently, earning just 1K++ per month isn't enough to survive. That make me even more troubled. Start worrying about my career in future now. Working for others won't get me far in life, but starting my own business ain't as easy as it seems. Capital, experience, luck, careful planning, good understanding of the market, etc... all play a part.

Haiz.. now i need to set my heart at getting a degree, which is most likely to be a business degree. I'll go out to work, meet more people and hopefully i'm lucky enough to find investors who willing to start a business with me.

Well in life, the most important thing is actually luck. With luck, u can do almost anything without worry, even without a degree, with luck, u can meet the right people and just get promoted to high rank with luck. Whereas, if u have degree but no luck, it won't get u far too. HOWEVER, with both luck and a good certification, you must be a lucky bastard! >.<

Anyway... didn't blog the past 2 days cause i started playing a new game (ONIMUSHA 3 : Demon Siege)and was totally engrossed in it. Can't believe I spend 10 hrs of my sunday playing that game. OMG!

New song (Never Let You GO by Janice) added to blog. Hope u enjoyed it!

猎人和小鸟的故事

2008-04-26T17:02:00.008+08:00

有一位猎人在路旁看见一只受伤的小鸟。见到它很可怜，于是，心地善良的猎人把受伤的小鸟带回家。

好心的猎人无微不至地为受伤的小鸟疗伤。过了几天，小鸟的伤好了。为了感谢猎人的关怀，小鸟就开心地唱起了一首美妙的歌曲。这时，猎人被那动人的歌声所吸引。于是，猎人打算把小鸟留在他身边，每天为他唱歌。猎人就把小鸟关在笼子里，希望每天起床时能听到那美妙的歌声。

猎人对小鸟很好，每天都准时地喂小鸟吃食物，也为小鸟天天打扫笼子。小鸟也每天为猎人唱歌跳舞。

就这样，日子一天一天地过，关在笼子里的小鸟一天比一天思念在天空自由自在地飞。因为太想念自由，小鸟开始不吃东西。小鸟渐渐地变瘦，也不唱歌跳舞了。小鸟每天只是望着天空，希望能回到属于自己的天空。

这时，猎人开始慌了，也明白小鸟的心情。于是，他把笼子打开，让小鸟回到属于自己的天空。在离开时，小鸟回头望着猎人，然后开心地向属于自己的天空飞去。

见到小鸟的背影慢慢离去，猎人不禁流下眼泪，但是他却一点也不伤心。

能看到小鸟开心，也许也不是一件坏事。
或许有一天小鸟会飞回来也不一定。
也许．．．或许．．
就让时间来给那个答案。

1st post in ages

2008-04-25T12:16:00.015+08:00

Finally a blog update.. It been ages since i last posted anything. Have a bad stomach pain this whole week. (Mild food poisoning) Nothing to do at home, so was surfing the net and saw this on the site...

No. 1: EACH RELATIONSHIP CONTAINS A RESERVOIR OF HOPE.

Our research has shown that even the most destructive fights and conflicts start with good intentions. These good intentions form the basis for a hidden reservoir of hope that a fully satisfying relationship can be achieved. The key: bow to tap into the good intent and the reservoir of hope.

No. 2: ONE "ZINGER" WILL ERASE 20 ACTS OF KINDNESS.

Our research has shown that it takes one put-down to undo hours of kindness you give to your partner. The key: intimate partners must learn how to manage their anger and control the exchange of negative behavior by finding a way to express the feelings in a constructive manner. Constructive expression of gripes, criticisms, and annoyances is a matter of knowing how to express oneself and choosing the appropriate time and place for the conversation.

No. 3: LITTLE CHANGES IN YOU CAN LEAD TO HUGE CHANGES IN THE RELATIONSHIP.

We began our research thinking it would be easy to detect differences between happy and unhappy couples. Although it turns out to be true that there are clear and reliable differences, those differences tend to be small and subtle.

Most couples in trouble think that for things to improve, extraordinary changes, if not a miracle, have to take place. And human nature being what it is, most of us who have relationship troubles think these changes need to be made by our spouse, not ourselves. But we often don't realize that we have no control over our partner's behavior.
As a result, we develop a sense of hopelessness and helplessness about the relationship. If only he or she would change, everything would be fine--or so we think. The breakthrough comes when we realize that by making even small changes in ourselves, we can effect big, positive changes that make us more optimistic and open to our partners.

Add to your relationship acts of thoughtful kindness--compliment your partner on how he or she looks, touch your partner's back when you walk by. And subtract from your relationship acts of thoughtless nastiness--ignoring your partner when you are angry, calling your partner names.

No. 4: IT'S NOT THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN PARTNERS THAT CAUSE PROBLEMS BUT HOW THE DIFFERENCES ARE HANDLED WHEN THEY ARISE.

Many partners think that their relationship woes are the result of differences between themselves and their mate. We've heard many couples say, "We're not compatible: he likes to be on the go; I like to stay at home," or "She goes to bed early; I'm a night person." This reasoning is an understandable effort to explain the causes of unhappiness.

But rather than focusing on areas of agreement and disagreement, partners in happy relationships develop good listening skills. These skills have nothing to do with eliminating differences, forcing consensus, or giving advice. Listening skills involve understanding and acceptance of differences in personality and taste. Having a good listener is having a good friend. In a happy relationship, a partner can count on his or her mate's being a good friend and never a judge or counselor.

No. 5: MEN AND WOMEN FIGHT USING DIFFERENT WEAPONS BUT SUFFER SIMILAR WOUNDS.

Not only do men and women suffer similar wounds, they also sustain them trying to accomplish the same objectives: acceptance, support, affection. When partners try to understand what is not going right in a relationship, they tend to examine the current weapons being used rather than the ultimate goals that are so strongly desired by both people. When we have focused our research on the goals men and women share for their relationship, we have exposed many common misconceptions about the differences between men and women in marriages.

Contrary to conventional wisdom that men "have a problem with intimacy" and women "tend to overreact," men and women differ little in their desire for intimacy and connection. For a variety of reasons, both biological and cultural, men have a harder time handling conflict, while women have a harder time handling emotional distance. Thus, men often withdraw from uncomfortable arousal in association with marital discussions while women sometimes feel a need immediately to resolve every conflict through discussion.

No. 6: PARTNERS NEED TO PRACTICE RELATIONSHIP SKILLS IN ORDER TO BECOME GOOD AT THEM.

Many partners seem to live their lives by playing at the game of marriage. We're bombarded by celebrities joking about their fifth, sixth, or seventh spouse. Instead of continually changing partners in the quest for a happy relationship, people should be learning to manage the conflicts, angers, and disagreements that are common to all relationships.

Unfortunately, partners enter into relationships with no agreed-upon rules or skills for handling the strong negative feelings that are an inevitable part of all relationships. Without rules, in the face of conflict, partners often resort to forms of guerrilla warfare with random sniping that can seriously wound their mates. Instead of taking control of conflict, partners let conflict take control of them.

A very good article, if only i read it long before everything happens... If only..